Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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