addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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