remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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