look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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