He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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