This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
