Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
