talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it's like heaven, but drunker
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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