If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
