I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
