i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
