I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
this just has baby written all over it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
