I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
well you can't waste a boner
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
