The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
