I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
