It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
