I'm drive I can fine osifer
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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