First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize