Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
