My liver just broke up with me...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
