pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
