not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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