They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
