Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
