Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
