and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
