Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just want nice things and good sex
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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