I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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