We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
