dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
