He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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