My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
