he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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