Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
