It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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