I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
