My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
