It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
FUCK WHALES
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
