I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
