My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
