Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
