he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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