my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
