chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
