Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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