i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize