I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
