I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
