After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize