i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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