I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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