does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
