Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
