I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
