So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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