My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
