Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
