woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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