I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
high people should be assigned attendants
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
