Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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