I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
