Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
