the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
