remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
