Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
