the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
