it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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