So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
