When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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