Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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