I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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