You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
