We're facebook friends in real life
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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