...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
