yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize