at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
