First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
