Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You're a waste of cheezeits
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
