i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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