And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dick very happy bro
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
