all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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