Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
