I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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