I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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