you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
